There Are No Dumb Business Questions, Not!   By Tim Knox

Q: I`m curious. What is the dumbest business question you`ve ever been asked?
-- Norris W.

A: Shame on you, Norris. There is no such thing as a dumb business question. OK, that`s not exactly true. There are dumb business questions and I do get quite a few of them. Not through this column, of course. People intelligent enough to actually use a computer and surf the World Wide Web would never submit dumb questions now, would they. OK, that`s a lie, too. I`ve gotten a few head-scratchers in response to this column. You know who you are, but don`t worry, your secret is safe with me.

I have a confession to make. Writing an advice column, whether it be advice for love or money or business, is often hard to do with a straight face. Occasionally a question comes over the digital transom that just makes me go, `Huh?`

It`s kind of like trying to stifle a giggle when Grandma breaks wind at Sunday dinner. Some things are just better left ignored.

Of course it`s hard to blame a dumb business question on the dog.

I`ve been writing advice columns for a long time. Most of the requests for advice I receive are sincere and intelligent, and as a (usually) sincere and (somewhat) intelligent columnist, I feel obligated to dispense the best advice I can for the betterment of the person who asked the question.

However, once in a while a real stinker hits the old email box and it takes everything I`ve got to resist shooting back an answer that is worthy of the question asked.

In other words, when I get a dumb question, my gut reaction is to respond with an answer of equal intelligence, or the lack thereof. Something subtle, like, `Forget business, my friend. The best thing you can do for mankind is to go find a pair of sharp scissors and run… really fast…`

Stupid is as stupid does, Forrest. Greater words of wisdom have rarely been offered before or since.

Then I remember that as an advice columnist I have a duty to my reader, my editor, my publisher, and above all, to my family, who enjoys eating on a regular basis. There aren`t too many openings for smart aleck writers anymore (darn that Dave Berry), so I bite my tongue and respond to the question as intelligently as I can. That usually involves requesting more information from the reader so I can offer an informed answer. It`s not as satisfying as firing off a sarcastic retort, but it is much better on the old bank account.

Since you asked the question, Norris, I feel obligated to give you an answer. What is the dumbest business question I`ve ever been asked? I`ll let you decide.

The following are real questions from real people that are running around loose among us. If you recognize your question please don`t be offended. This is all in good fun and remember, ridicule is the sincerest form of flattery. Or something like that.

Here`s a question I get at least once a week: `I have never been in business before, but I think I`d be really good at it. Can you tell me what would be the best business for me to start?`

Hmm, how about one that involves the Psychic Hotline, since that`s who I will have to consult to answer your question. I don`t know anything about you, your background, your abilities, your talents, your experience, or anything else. How can I possibly tell you what would be the best business for you? Who do I look like, Miss Cleo?

Here`s one of my favorites: `I need to make a lot of money really fast. What business should I start?`

You need to make a lot of money fast, huh. No problem. I have one word for you, my friend: counterfeiting… Somebody hand me an umbrella. It`s raining stupid in here.

Here`s an oldie but a goodie: `I have a killer business idea, but I don`t have any money. Do you ever invest in businesses or just give advice?` Unfortunately, I only invest in non-lethal business ideas, so I`ll have to pass on your killer idea. Thanks for thinking of me, though. This window is now closed…

And my all-time favorite: `I have a great product that nobody wants to buy. How can I make customers buy my product.`

How can you make a customer buy your product? Piece of cake, buddy boy. Try using the same method I use to make my kids mind. Threaten to put your customer in time out if he doesn`t buy something from you right this second! Don`t make me get up and sell you something, young man…

I could go on, but I think the point is made. Keep those cards and letters coming, boys and girls. It`s readers like you that make this job so darn interesting.

Here`s to your success.

Tim Knox tim@dropshipwholesale.net

Tim Serves As The President And CEO Of Three Successful Technology Companies And Is The Founder Of DropshipWholesale.net. Related Links: http://www.dropshipwholesale.net http://www.30dayblueprint.com http://www.timknox.com